Coffee

When I was a kid, I was really excited about becoming a grownup, so I could drink coffee, because that's what my dad drank (and continues to drink). For me, being a grownup was synonymous with drinking coffee.

By that standard, I plan to never grow up.

The first time I had coffee, it was so amazingly bitter that I couldn't understand why anyone would voluntarily drink it.

My second sip was worse.

I've tried sugar and milk and cream and honey and just about everything else people put into their coffee to make it palatable - and it's still completely revolting.

Those of you who don't know, I live in Seattle. We're the coffee capital of the US, and have inflicted Starbucks and Seattle's Best Coffee and Tully's and several other brands on the rest of you. We triggered that "artisan coffee" craze. And it all tastes the same.

I can't tell the difference between Javan, Sumatran, Kona, and Columbian. I don't care if it's fine-ground, coarse ground, home ground, whole bean or powdered. Instant, drip, slow-brewed, campfire-brewed and flash-brewed all taste exactly the same to me.

I can't see why anyone would voluntarily ingest this stuff.