Oatmeal

I often joke that British cuisine consists of two component - Lumps and Gravy. Each component has two different types - there are crunchy lumps and chewy lumps, and gravy has both brown and grey varieties.

Even the worst unidentifiable British food, however, is better than Oatmeal and its many imitators and derivatives. In this list, I'm including both farina and porridge and several others.

These things all taste the same - it's a not-quite-flavorless mush served warm. Occasionally, with enough sugar, you can make them marginally edible. But it's not something you'd do by choice.

So, yes, I dislike oatmeal.

Corners

If you read last week's entry, then you know that part of why I don't like parties is because I spend all my time in the corner with the other party-awkward unsocial people.

Why do we gravitate towards the corners?

Because corners are where we go when we're in trouble. Little Jack Horner was apparently in trouble, because he had to go sit in the corner.

When we feel awkward or uncomfortable, we move to the corner because the feeling is similar to that of being in trouble.

I also dislike corners because when I get up in the middle of the night, I inevitably walk into something with a sharp corner or two. Every single time.

Parties

This is probably not surprising, given how I dislike crowds, but I dislike parties.

If you see me at a party, I'm usually in a corner with a book (or my Kindle).

If I don't have a book out, I'm still probably not interacting with anyone unless I am directly approached. Even then, it's usual single-syllable responses until that person goes away.

Part of the reason I hate parties is because I only go to parties that I feel like I need to go to. In other words, parties which I am pressured to attend.

Usually, that pressure is internal - I have no desire to be a couch-dwelling troll, and there are some friends that I will never interact with outside of a party environment. Mind you, I usually show up early, chat for a bit, and then retreat to my corner. That's all the interaction I need most of the time.

Occasionally, other things (and people) will pressure me into attending a party. I don't even chat for a bit at most of these - I just find my corner and chill out.

Of course, I'm not that fond of corners, either.

Elmo

Yes, that Elmo. The red furry monster who took over Sesame Street when no-one who grew up on the show was looking.

Yes, the red puppet that eventually became Elmo was around when I was a kid, but he was just a face in the crowd, and he should have stayed there.

As it is, they need to rename the show, because it's not Sesame Street anymore. It's Elmo And Friends. By refocusing on Elmo, we've lost valuable time spent with the less-upbeat characters on the show (most notably Oscar and Bert).

Children need to learn that not everyone is smiley and happy and Elmo. The world contains Berts and Oscars.

Like me.