Do you know what sucks? Not breathing in your sleep. It's called Sleep Apnea, and it's not as uncommon as I want it to be.
By the time you read this, I'll have been on CPAP for about three months and a BiPAP for about a week.
It has a bunch of parts - there's the unit itself, an attached humidifier (that I need to keep filled with distilled water), a hose, and a mask. If I don't use the humidifier, it dries my nose and mouth out. The mask clips tightly to my face, creating a seal through which air is (theoretically) not able to escape (except through the vents). Unfortunately, there are a few spots where the seal isn't great and I keep waking up with air in my eyes.
Do you know what's almost as bad as not breathing at night? Not being able to randomly wake up, roll over, and kiss your wife without unclipping and then removing a mask, being careful not to get tangled in the hose. At which point, she's already awake from the commotion and there's no surprise in the kiss.
I hate that.
I even have to travel with the damn thing, and I don't trust airline baggage handlers with delicate equipment. At least the government says it doesn't count against my carry-ons. And the TSA has to let it through.
Not that I trust either group - I've got a doctor's note to help me through security and onto the airplane. I'm going to have it laminated.
Because I can't just leave the machine at home - after all, it's keeping me alive, right?
Friday, December 17, 2010
Friday, December 10, 2010
Drama
Not the class you take in school. I mean the real thing.
In the last few years, I've had to cut ties with a couple of drama-llamas. Either they couldn't accept that differing opinions weren't personal attacks or else they couldn't handle the very idea that someone might not like them.
And no, I'm not going to give names or descriptions or even point at who the problems are. That would be unfair and would probably lead to more drama which - as you may have noticed - I dislike intensely.
If I hate being around drama, I hate being in the midst of it even more. When drama appears, feelings get hurt. And I hate feelings. Maybe I should write about those sometime.
The worst thing about drama? Sometimes you need to use it to get rid of the drama-llamas, because they don't understand plain English.
Here is some quick conversation samples I've had with Llamas a while back (I've edited them for clarity, so don't expect a blow-for-blow word-for-word account):
"I don't want to date your sister-in-law. I don't find her attractive."
"Maybe we can discuss then when you're ready to date again." [This was about two weeks before I started dating the woman who is now my wife.]
"My health is fine. I just don't like her. Or, for that matter, you."
"We'll discuss this once your mental health is improved."
Because - apparently - not being attracted to a specific woman is a sign of mental illness or of being ill-prepared to date. And disliking people is also a sign of mental illness.
"I don't like you. I never have. And you were well aware of that - you even discussed it with [mutual friend] a while ago."
"I don't know what to tell you. I don't know what I have done to cause you not to like me. Why don't you like me? I'm perfect! I'm a amazing! I'm a precious butterfly! *SOB* *SOB* *SOB* I was even a good hostess when you visited my husband who is a dear friend of yours! Now I'm going to call all of my friends and try to form an alliance against you, even though they're your friends, too!"
Because the solution to being disliked is to drag in every mutual friend you know. And being a good hostess is the key to being liked.
Did I say that was the worst? I lied. The worst thing about drama is being one of those friends who is not involved in a situation and is trying not to be involved in the situation, but who is inevitably sucked in and attacked by one of the participants.
Yeah. I dislike drama. And drama-llamas.
In the last few years, I've had to cut ties with a couple of drama-llamas. Either they couldn't accept that differing opinions weren't personal attacks or else they couldn't handle the very idea that someone might not like them.
And no, I'm not going to give names or descriptions or even point at who the problems are. That would be unfair and would probably lead to more drama which - as you may have noticed - I dislike intensely.
If I hate being around drama, I hate being in the midst of it even more. When drama appears, feelings get hurt. And I hate feelings. Maybe I should write about those sometime.
The worst thing about drama? Sometimes you need to use it to get rid of the drama-llamas, because they don't understand plain English.
Here is some quick conversation samples I've had with Llamas a while back (I've edited them for clarity, so don't expect a blow-for-blow word-for-word account):
"I don't want to date your sister-in-law. I don't find her attractive."
"Maybe we can discuss then when you're ready to date again." [This was about two weeks before I started dating the woman who is now my wife.]
"My health is fine. I just don't like her. Or, for that matter, you."
"We'll discuss this once your mental health is improved."
Because - apparently - not being attracted to a specific woman is a sign of mental illness or of being ill-prepared to date. And disliking people is also a sign of mental illness.
"I don't like you. I never have. And you were well aware of that - you even discussed it with [mutual friend] a while ago."
"I don't know what to tell you. I don't know what I have done to cause you not to like me. Why don't you like me? I'm perfect! I'm a amazing! I'm a precious butterfly! *SOB* *SOB* *SOB* I was even a good hostess when you visited my husband who is a dear friend of yours! Now I'm going to call all of my friends and try to form an alliance against you, even though they're your friends, too!"
Because the solution to being disliked is to drag in every mutual friend you know. And being a good hostess is the key to being liked.
Did I say that was the worst? I lied. The worst thing about drama is being one of those friends who is not involved in a situation and is trying not to be involved in the situation, but who is inevitably sucked in and attacked by one of the participants.
Yeah. I dislike drama. And drama-llamas.
Friday, December 3, 2010
Crowds
Given how much I dislike individual people, it should come as no surprise that I dislike crowds.
Too many people in one place lose all shreds of intelligence.
Someone once told me that the average IQ of a crowd dropped noticeably the more people were added to that crowd, and it's true.
Crowds suck. They get in your way, and can turn malicious or dangerous at the drop of a hat.
Remember the riots of the New Hot Toy? You can substitute "Tickle Me Elmo" or "Furby" or "Zhu Zhu Pets" or whatever else for "New Hot Toy" in that previous sentence.
On those rare occasions when I go shopping (which, remember, I dislike), the crowds are inevitably in between me and the target of the trip. And then I get to stand in line, because of the crowds.
And people travel in packs - you can watch it happening. Go to a food court, sometime. People will stand around, looking around, trying to decide what they want to eat until one person goes to get whatever food they decided that they want. A line will instantly form behind them.
So to sum up: I dislike crowds.
Too many people in one place lose all shreds of intelligence.
Someone once told me that the average IQ of a crowd dropped noticeably the more people were added to that crowd, and it's true.
Crowds suck. They get in your way, and can turn malicious or dangerous at the drop of a hat.
Remember the riots of the New Hot Toy? You can substitute "Tickle Me Elmo" or "Furby" or "Zhu Zhu Pets" or whatever else for "New Hot Toy" in that previous sentence.
On those rare occasions when I go shopping (which, remember, I dislike), the crowds are inevitably in between me and the target of the trip. And then I get to stand in line, because of the crowds.
And people travel in packs - you can watch it happening. Go to a food court, sometime. People will stand around, looking around, trying to decide what they want to eat until one person goes to get whatever food they decided that they want. A line will instantly form behind them.
So to sum up: I dislike crowds.
Friday, November 26, 2010
Shopping
That's right: I dislike shopping.
I don't like grocery shopping, gift shopping, or any other kind of shopping. I dislike malls, shops, stores, and markets.
Part of it is the fact that I dislike people.
Part of it is that I know I'm spending money - I've been conditioned by my upbringing to believe that spending money is bad. I know that my parents didn't have grocery or clothes shopping in mind when this was drilled into me, but it sure stuck that way.
It doesn't help that I'm bad with money, and shopping just reminds me of that.
I don't like grocery shopping, gift shopping, or any other kind of shopping. I dislike malls, shops, stores, and markets.
Part of it is the fact that I dislike people.
Part of it is that I know I'm spending money - I've been conditioned by my upbringing to believe that spending money is bad. I know that my parents didn't have grocery or clothes shopping in mind when this was drilled into me, but it sure stuck that way.
It doesn't help that I'm bad with money, and shopping just reminds me of that.
Friday, November 19, 2010
Mushrooms
My calendar says it's nearly Thanksgiving. How's about I bitch about something food-related this week?
I don't like mushrooms.
They're not a food, they're a fungus.
They're rubbery and unpleasant from the word "go."
Vegetarians and Vegans who used to eat meat often try to sell us on the "meaty" texture of the mushrooms. If I want meat, I'll eat a damn steak, not a fungus!
And don't even get me started on the numerous sins of Cream of Mushroom Soup!
I don't like mushrooms.
They're not a food, they're a fungus.
They're rubbery and unpleasant from the word "go."
Vegetarians and Vegans who used to eat meat often try to sell us on the "meaty" texture of the mushrooms. If I want meat, I'll eat a damn steak, not a fungus!
And don't even get me started on the numerous sins of Cream of Mushroom Soup!
Friday, November 12, 2010
Fluxx
Given who I am, you didn't think it'd be THAT long before I brought in a game, did you?
Fluxx isn't a game. Seriously. It's a way to spend time with (ideally) friends.
There's not enough strategy. It's 100% random. Games can last two turns or two days - and there's no way to predict which one it's going to be on the way in. Annoying players can prolong the game almost indefinitely.
This, by the way, is not my idea of a good time. If I'm going to spend two hours playing a game, I'd prefer it if it were a game where my actions moved me closer to victory rather than a game where the winner will be almost 100% arbitrary.
Fluxx isn't a game. Seriously. It's a way to spend time with (ideally) friends.
There's not enough strategy. It's 100% random. Games can last two turns or two days - and there's no way to predict which one it's going to be on the way in. Annoying players can prolong the game almost indefinitely.
This, by the way, is not my idea of a good time. If I'm going to spend two hours playing a game, I'd prefer it if it were a game where my actions moved me closer to victory rather than a game where the winner will be almost 100% arbitrary.
Friday, November 5, 2010
Does Eric Dislike You?
Because I know I'll eventually get asked, here is a quick quiz to help you determine whether or not I will probably dislike you:
Question #1:
Are you a human being?
If yes, add 1 to your score.
If no, add 0 to your score.
Scoring
If your score is:
0: Eric probably dislikes you. Unless you are a cat or an inanimate object, and even then it's a coin toss.
1: Eric probably dislikes you.
2 or more: Not only do you suck at math, but Eric probably dislikes you.
Question #1:
Are you a human being?
If yes, add 1 to your score.
If no, add 0 to your score.
Scoring
If your score is:
0: Eric probably dislikes you. Unless you are a cat or an inanimate object, and even then it's a coin toss.
1: Eric probably dislikes you.
2 or more: Not only do you suck at math, but Eric probably dislikes you.
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